China - Day 89

So three months into my stint in China I feel as though I’ve learned enough life lessons about this strange and distant land to share with you, my friends and family back home…

(Ed Note: By “strange” I obviously mean it as a synonym to “unknown” and “foreign”, not so much in the “weird” or “unusual” sense)

Back to my point… Since arriving in Guangzhou I’ve taken in a lot of new information about how things work in a foreign country. While some things here are remarkably similar in function to the happenings back in Canada, for example… … …Umm, okay so I’ve been sitting here for about 5 minutes trying to think up a good example about how things are comparable but I’m coming up a little dry. Lemme get back to the parallels a little later… We’ll start with the variations in day-to-day living instead.

Life Lesson #1: Cross the street when the locals do.

Just because the crossing signal indicates “walk”, does not mean you can actually walk. Chances are if you do, you’re gonna get hit by a car. More specifically a taxi. Or a bus - a bus is a good bet as well. But we’ll stay general. Yes, if you start to cross the street just because the little green man says you can, it’s safe to assume that you’re going to lose a fight with a large metallic, fast-moving object of transportation. Alternatively, just because a big red hand is staring you in the face does not mean you cannot cut across 4 lanes of traffic. Crossing the street here in Guangzhou is a fine art. One that the locals have mastered. Dodging and skipping and weaving in and out of moving vehicles is commonplace, and if you just shadow someone they’ll lead you across unscathed to the other side of the street. Don’t worry if a vehicle comes within inches of taking out your knee caps, chances are they’ll stop before they get too too close.

Life Lesson #2: Umbrellas are useless.

Just because you bring an umbrella does not mean you will stay dry. Umbrellas are a good idea in theory. And in theory only. When the rain is pouring down on a horizontal angle, any attempt to save yourself from getting wet is futile. Also, when the rain water is accumulating on the sidewalk such that you find yourself wading through several inches of polluted water, an umbrella is ineffective in keeping not only your shoes dry but also your pants. (And don’t forget the directionality of the rain, so even the bottom half of your shirt will be left unprotected). Moreover, when it’s raining so heavily that your umbrella starts to leak; the whole situation is a little self-defeating. The best thing you can do is to buy yourself a nice fashionable pair of rain boots and a raincoat. If you wanna go all out and stay fully dry you should probably splurge on the rain pants as well.

Life Lesson #3: “Pictures are for reference only”.

Just because you see a picture, does not mean that’s what you’re getting. Many a time when you are looking through a menu (and you can’t read the Chinese description) you’re forced to rely on the picture to assure you that what you’re about to order will be appetizing, or at the very least, edible. And many a time when the food is served to your table you’re left wondering what the hell you’re staring down at. For instance when you’ve ordered what you thought could be sweet and sour chicken and it turns out to be chicken indeed but one that is covered in pineapple and mayonnaise… It’s like gambling, sometimes you get lucky, other times you’re going to be searching for a second meal at McDonald’s after you leave.

Life Lesson #4: You don’t always get what you pay for.

Just because you pay a lot of money for something does not mean you’re paying for high quality. For the most part the cost of living in China is relatively cheap. I can honestly say I live quite comfortably on my salary. But sometimes the fact of the matter is you’re going to get ripped off. Either in terms of price or in terms of quality. The best example I can think of at the moment is with my internet connection. (Only because for the past two nights it hasn’t been operational when I get home from work…) So when we first moved here we were presented with three or four different internet packages ranging in speeds from 512kb/s to 2mb/s. We didn’t go with the first one because we assumed it’d be a really slow connection and it’d be really frustrating to download movies and TV shows. We opted for the 1mb/s which was the second-fasted, and thus the second most expensive. This was a big mistake. The internet is so insanely slow and disconnects whenever it feels like. Other people I know who went with the significantly cheaper 512kb/s package, actually have a much stronger connection and don’t have the same connectability issues. I guess the moral of this story is that it’s okay to be cheap.

This brings us to our final lesson of the day…

Life Lesson #5: Elevators as a source of amusement.

Just because you take the elevator does not mean you’re going to beat the person who elects to take the stairs. Yes, elevators are convenient. Yes, they save people from exerting too much energy. Yes, they provide a comfortable mode to get from the lobby up however many stories they’re going. (In my case it’s 13. Lucky 13). But no, in China elevators are not a way to save time. They’re a game really. Imagine: there are three elevator doors in front of you. You’re on the 13th floor waiting to be taken down to the 1st. One elevator is on the 1st floor already, one is on the 22nd floor, and one is on the 34th floor (the top floor). Which elevator do you suppose will reach you first? And in how much time? Logic would dictate that the elevator on the 22nd floor would presumably arrive fairly quickly as it has the least amount of floors to travel. But this is not the case. After you hit the down button and take a step back to watch the progress, you realize that no elevators are moving. A moment goes by and the elevator on the 22nd floor starts to move, this seems good. But oh no wait, it’s stopped again on the 20th floor. You look above another door and notice that the elevator that was resting in the lobby has now started to rise. You take a couple of steps in the direction of that door, only to stop because the elevator has also stopped - on the 9th floor. The elevator on the 34th floor remains motionless. The first elevator has now moved from the 20th floor back up past the 22nd and on to the 25th floor, meanwhile the second elevator has returned to the lobby. Still no movement from the last elevator. Maybe it’s out of service…? It’s been a good three minutes now, and you’re starting to get impatient. Time to get a move on people, got a subway to catch! Movement again from the first elevator! It’s creeping its way down from 25! And what’s this??? The third elevator has started its descent from the top floor! Which will it be? Which will it be? Neither. They both stop shy of the 13th floor. You look over with a glimmer of hope to the remaining elevator… but it’s resting on the 8th floor. Just as you’re about to give up and start walking down the 13 flights of stairs, all of a sudden you hear a ding. The elevator from the 8th floor (originally the lobby) has arrived! All it takes is 5 minutes and a little patience and you’re one your way to work…

Well that concludes what I’ve learned while I’ve been living in Guangzhou. Maybe next time I’ll get around to explaining the similarities between our two great nations.